Well, it finally happened. The third (or was it fourth?) definite date that I was given turned out to be the true one. I was finally laid off this week.
Oddly, I hadn't mentally planned "the day" itself. "The day" itself turned out to be awkward. Some of my colleagues who were aware of the plans had beautiful layoff emails composed, that they sent as they packed up their desks. I hadn't thought about it. Salan had cleaned absolutely everything personal out of the office, and was ready to leave immediately after her conversation. I unexpectedly found some papers that I needed to shred at the bottom of a drawer that I'd completely forgotten about. Not to mention that I was unexpectedly emotional as I ran into Vancouver colleagues that I've shared an office with for 10 years.....and didn't have a nice speech composed either about leaving, or about how wonderful some of them are.
Sigh.
However my performance, it's done now. My time is my own...and I'm already getting a start on my new routine. I'm even starting to feel genuinely mentally free of the company....which feels like an accomplishment, given that I spent 10 years there and have only officially been gone for less than a week.
I'm even starting to feel a small amount of glee....I'm free. I'm really free. I can really spend my time as I please. Welcome summer!
Wednesday, 27 May 2015
Thursday, 21 May 2015
New Adventures - II
I suppose that my new adventure, part II might better be described as a total lack of adventure.
In my New Adventures - Part 1, I talked about layoffs in general, and my decision to wait to be laid off rather than starting a vigorous job hunt. But what I didn't mention when I told you about the layoff was that I didn't receive "official" notice. I was told confidentially that a layoff was coming within a month, and that my job was being eliminated. But that I should feel encouraged to find another job within the company while I waited a few weeks for the announcement to be made.
Frankly, if I had known what was coming, I think I would have quit at that point.
That conversation happened early in February. I'm still waiting for the layoff to happen (in early May).
From an outside perspective, I've had a pretty cushy 4 months. I was given an opportunity to finish the project I was working on and wrap up all of the loose ends. That's satisfying. I haven't been expected to work exceptionally hard, and I of course continue to be paid my full salary.
But, in actual fact, this past 4 months has been one of the harder stretches of work time that I've put in.
The biggest reason is the uncertainty. I don't know when I'm going to be laid off. I've been told a definite date for my layoff 3 times now, and in each case the date has been deferred without much warning and with no explanation. And I don't know anything about what my layoff package will be.
So I don't know when I'll be free, and I don't know how much money I'll have. And as a result, I don't feel like I have any control at all over my life.
People who know my situation occaisionally ask "so, what are you going to do next?". Honestly, I don't have an answer. Every time I start making plans for my time the date changes. I'm currently in a state of learned helplessness. I've given up on making plans for my life in big ways or small ways.
The rest of the frustrations in my life are minor by comparison: the fact that my layoff is still officially confidential, so I can't be open about the reasons for some choices I'm making at work (such as, why aren't I continuing with my work-related volunteer work?). And the time and energy I spend avoiding colleagues so that I don't have to answer questions like What are you working on now?". Or even "Busy?". The feeling of exclusion I have because I'm not involved in any of the ongoing projects in the department, and the fact that my colleagues who are have naturally lost interest in talking to me as they focus on their new work. Not to mention the terrible overall morale in my department as the knowledge of the "confidential" layoff has become common knowledge, including the added fillip that much of the work of our department will be outsourced to low-cost off premises sub-contractors in India....
Overall, it sucks. And overall, I'm not sure my financial decision to wait it all out was the right one, given the psychic costs.
In my New Adventures - Part 1, I talked about layoffs in general, and my decision to wait to be laid off rather than starting a vigorous job hunt. But what I didn't mention when I told you about the layoff was that I didn't receive "official" notice. I was told confidentially that a layoff was coming within a month, and that my job was being eliminated. But that I should feel encouraged to find another job within the company while I waited a few weeks for the announcement to be made.
Frankly, if I had known what was coming, I think I would have quit at that point.
That conversation happened early in February. I'm still waiting for the layoff to happen (in early May).
From an outside perspective, I've had a pretty cushy 4 months. I was given an opportunity to finish the project I was working on and wrap up all of the loose ends. That's satisfying. I haven't been expected to work exceptionally hard, and I of course continue to be paid my full salary.
But, in actual fact, this past 4 months has been one of the harder stretches of work time that I've put in.
The biggest reason is the uncertainty. I don't know when I'm going to be laid off. I've been told a definite date for my layoff 3 times now, and in each case the date has been deferred without much warning and with no explanation. And I don't know anything about what my layoff package will be.
So I don't know when I'll be free, and I don't know how much money I'll have. And as a result, I don't feel like I have any control at all over my life.
People who know my situation occaisionally ask "so, what are you going to do next?". Honestly, I don't have an answer. Every time I start making plans for my time the date changes. I'm currently in a state of learned helplessness. I've given up on making plans for my life in big ways or small ways.
The rest of the frustrations in my life are minor by comparison: the fact that my layoff is still officially confidential, so I can't be open about the reasons for some choices I'm making at work (such as, why aren't I continuing with my work-related volunteer work?). And the time and energy I spend avoiding colleagues so that I don't have to answer questions like What are you working on now?". Or even "Busy?". The feeling of exclusion I have because I'm not involved in any of the ongoing projects in the department, and the fact that my colleagues who are have naturally lost interest in talking to me as they focus on their new work. Not to mention the terrible overall morale in my department as the knowledge of the "confidential" layoff has become common knowledge, including the added fillip that much of the work of our department will be outsourced to low-cost off premises sub-contractors in India....
Overall, it sucks. And overall, I'm not sure my financial decision to wait it all out was the right one, given the psychic costs.
New Adventures - Part 1
Hello again.
Well, my new adventure isn't as exotic as the last adventure that I recorded here on my "Tea or Chocolate" blog. But it's actually more novel, at least for me. I'm getting laid off soon! Or, given that the layoff is confidential until it happens, by the time you see this I should be able to say "I've been laid off!".
Layoffs are certainly not novel within the tech world. Far from it. As anyone who's been involved in the industry for more than a few years is well aware, layoffs are a routine part of the picture. Technology changes quickly. Companies' fortunes fluctuate. And when you get right down to it, the vast majority of tech companies have a limited lifespan. So it's not so much a matter of whether or not you'll be touched by layoffs during your career, but how you'll be affected and when.
Some people take pride in having survived many rounds of layoffs: that's because at least the first layoff at a company might well be designed to reduce headcount (and costs) by getting rid of those that they consider poorer performers. So surviving 3 or 8 or even 11 layoffs makes you feel essential and appreciated. Others take pride in never having being laid off: they find a job elsewhere before they can be canned and feel smart because they anticipate trouble, and feel valued because their skills are in demand elsewhere. Some get lucky, and don't happen to be at companies that are doing layoffs....or, given the relative youth of people in the industry, haven't YET been at companies that are doing layoffs. The reality is that sooner or later the majority of us who work in tech will find ourselves laid off.
I've been luckier than many: in my 22 years in the industry I've survived a total of .... is it 4?...layoffs at various companies. That's a pretty low number. Partly that's been luck, partly it's been a matter of choosing to leave companies that were shifting from growth or stability to contraction.
But my number finally came up -- or rather, I finally decided not to dodge the bullet. Despite the fact that we've had 2 layoffs in the past 2 years already, and that overall I knew that things weren't going wonderfully at my current (former) company, I'd decided to stick it out as voluntary attrition soared. (Voluntary attrition is manager-speak for people quitting while the quitting is good.)
For part of that time, I stayed on because I felt like I had a mission. Okay, laugh at me if you like. But I felt like I was making a real difference within my limited sphere of influence. And I was doing great work and getting recognized for it. And I was being paid very well too. So I didn't so much ignore the warning signs as decide that they weren't important to me.
But admittedly, for part of the time I stayed out of inertia. But by the time I got the news that my name was on a LIST, I had actually started looking for something new....at least half-heartedly. So I decided to take a layoff and a severance package as a gift....a gift of a summer off work.
So, here I am. Still waiting for my present to arrive. And wondering what I'm going to do with my summer and then the rest of my life.
Well, my new adventure isn't as exotic as the last adventure that I recorded here on my "Tea or Chocolate" blog. But it's actually more novel, at least for me. I'm getting laid off soon! Or, given that the layoff is confidential until it happens, by the time you see this I should be able to say "I've been laid off!".
Layoffs are certainly not novel within the tech world. Far from it. As anyone who's been involved in the industry for more than a few years is well aware, layoffs are a routine part of the picture. Technology changes quickly. Companies' fortunes fluctuate. And when you get right down to it, the vast majority of tech companies have a limited lifespan. So it's not so much a matter of whether or not you'll be touched by layoffs during your career, but how you'll be affected and when.
Some people take pride in having survived many rounds of layoffs: that's because at least the first layoff at a company might well be designed to reduce headcount (and costs) by getting rid of those that they consider poorer performers. So surviving 3 or 8 or even 11 layoffs makes you feel essential and appreciated. Others take pride in never having being laid off: they find a job elsewhere before they can be canned and feel smart because they anticipate trouble, and feel valued because their skills are in demand elsewhere. Some get lucky, and don't happen to be at companies that are doing layoffs....or, given the relative youth of people in the industry, haven't YET been at companies that are doing layoffs. The reality is that sooner or later the majority of us who work in tech will find ourselves laid off.
I've been luckier than many: in my 22 years in the industry I've survived a total of .... is it 4?...layoffs at various companies. That's a pretty low number. Partly that's been luck, partly it's been a matter of choosing to leave companies that were shifting from growth or stability to contraction.
But my number finally came up -- or rather, I finally decided not to dodge the bullet. Despite the fact that we've had 2 layoffs in the past 2 years already, and that overall I knew that things weren't going wonderfully at my current (former) company, I'd decided to stick it out as voluntary attrition soared. (Voluntary attrition is manager-speak for people quitting while the quitting is good.)
For part of that time, I stayed on because I felt like I had a mission. Okay, laugh at me if you like. But I felt like I was making a real difference within my limited sphere of influence. And I was doing great work and getting recognized for it. And I was being paid very well too. So I didn't so much ignore the warning signs as decide that they weren't important to me.
But admittedly, for part of the time I stayed out of inertia. But by the time I got the news that my name was on a LIST, I had actually started looking for something new....at least half-heartedly. So I decided to take a layoff and a severance package as a gift....a gift of a summer off work.
So, here I am. Still waiting for my present to arrive. And wondering what I'm going to do with my summer and then the rest of my life.
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