I suppose that my new adventure, part II might better be described as a total lack of adventure.
In my New Adventures - Part 1, I talked about layoffs in general, and my decision to wait to be laid off rather than starting a vigorous job hunt. But what I didn't mention when I told you about the layoff was that I didn't receive "official" notice. I was told confidentially that a layoff was coming within a month, and that my job was being eliminated. But that I should feel encouraged to find another job within the company while I waited a few weeks for the announcement to be made.
Frankly, if I had known what was coming, I think I would have quit at that point.
That conversation happened early in February. I'm still waiting for the layoff to happen (in early May).
From an outside perspective, I've had a pretty cushy 4 months. I was given an opportunity to finish the project I was working on and wrap up all of the loose ends. That's satisfying. I haven't been expected to work exceptionally hard, and I of course continue to be paid my full salary.
But, in actual fact, this past 4 months has been one of the harder stretches of work time that I've put in.
The biggest reason is the uncertainty. I don't know when I'm going to be laid off. I've been told a definite date for my layoff 3 times now, and in each case the date has been deferred without much warning and with no explanation. And I don't know anything about what my layoff package will be.
So I don't know when I'll be free, and I don't know how much money I'll have. And as a result, I don't feel like I have any control at all over my life.
People who know my situation occaisionally ask "so, what are you going to do next?". Honestly, I don't have an answer. Every time I start making plans for my time the date changes. I'm currently in a state of learned helplessness. I've given up on making plans for my life in big ways or small ways.
The rest of the frustrations in my life are minor by comparison: the fact that my layoff is still officially confidential, so I can't be open about the reasons for some choices I'm making at work (such as, why aren't I continuing with my work-related volunteer work?). And the time and energy I spend avoiding colleagues so that I don't have to answer questions like What are you working on now?". Or even "Busy?". The feeling of exclusion I have because I'm not involved in any of the ongoing projects in the department, and the fact that my colleagues who are have naturally lost interest in talking to me as they focus on their new work. Not to mention the terrible overall morale in my department as the knowledge of the "confidential" layoff has become common knowledge, including the added fillip that much of the work of our department will be outsourced to low-cost off premises sub-contractors in India....
Overall, it sucks. And overall, I'm not sure my financial decision to wait it all out was the right one, given the psychic costs.
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